November 15, 2022

  • Had a DM with Takamatsu-sensei, copied a good expression
    • This year might be a year of slowly exploring means and creating an environment to keep my mental state in a good condition.

      • Well, exactly that (blu3mo)(blu3mo)(blu3mo)(blu3mo)(blu3mo)
      • I feel like I’m gradually able to do that and it’s a very good thing (blu3mo)
    • It’s important to always be aware of new stimuli and challenges that can be enjoyed, and also to value the current environment and relationships. That’s when a sense of home is created.

      • If I rephrase the loneliness in 636c4b3379e1130000eba172, it can be said that there is no presence that gives a sense of home.
      • It’s like feeling lonely because of the weakened connection with my family at home and long-time friends.
        • Well, I feel like positivity and time will resolve that.
        • i.e. Even if I only approach it by trying to connect with my family at home and long-time friends, it doesn’t seem to lead to a fundamental solution.

November 9, 2022

  • I’ve made some pretty good friends, about 1 or 2.
  • I feel like I’m starting to accept and enjoy the current situation.
  • However, I feel like I haven’t built as deep of a relationship as with my Japanese friends, and sometimes I feel lonely.
    • I thought about various reasons, but when I think calmly, it’s only been 3 months, so it might just be a matter of time.
    • Also, it’s not like I’ve been completely cut off from my Japanese friends, so I can still keep in touch.
  • Another issue is that I feel like there’s a higher chance of meeting interesting people in Japan (or rather, at the University of Tokyo).
    • Well, that’s natural, and there are reasons for it.
      • I don’t have a sufficient network here.
      • I haven’t been able to effectively express my own interestingness here.
      • Language barrier.
      • And so on.
    • I think it’s just a matter of time for this too, and at least the possibility seems higher than in Gunma.
    • Also, there might be some bias involved.
      • I don’t remember the uninteresting people I met at the University of Tokyo.

October 13, 2022

  • I still don’t have much free time, but well, I can go out lightly on weekends.
  • Just being able to handle exams without getting sick is already a great feeling.
  • As for improving relationships Gradually Improve Without Overdoing It, I want to have meals with people about 3-4 times a week.
    • So far, I’m enjoying it.

October 2, 2022

  • I’ve entered a phase where I start to miss things in Japan.
    • Like 6337a35b79e113000098fbec.
    • When I see Japanese content/SNS, it naturally comes to me and I think it’s nice.
    • However, when I think calmly, ramen and public baths didn’t occupy a significant portion of my happiness in life.
      • I might be overestimating them with a nostalgic feeling.
      • I want to just think, “Well, that’s how it is.”
    • Also, I’ll be going back in December, and I’ll be here for about 3 months in the summer.
  • Since coming here, there are things I stopped doing for various reasons, but I want to write about things I think I should do.

October 1, 2022

20220930

  • I got really sick.
    • @blu3mo: I got sick and threw up two hours before my first exam, but I’m fine (?).

    • @blu3mo: (I have a fever and I’ve been vomiting multiple times, so I’m not fine.)

  • Well, I guess I was unlucky.
  • I think I was also tired, so I want to take a break for now.
  • While watching Don’t Mess with the Film Research Club, I’m enjoying seeing things that are unique to Japan, like ramen shops and public baths (blu3mo).
    • On the other hand, I want to find things that are unique to America.

20220925

  • I’ve at least gotten to know the people on my floor, so that’s progress and makes me happy.
  • While doing my assignments at night, I listened to music I used to listen to about six months to a year ago, and it brought back memories of that time when I was happy.
    • Around the time of the entrance exam
    • Clearing the fog around the river, eating ramen on Saturday afternoons
    • Well, maybe it’s just a nostalgic bias, but when I look back at things like 202201 Problem of not being able to work, it doesn’t seem like just a happy life, haha.
  • 6327eb1979e1130000788ec6
    • Since that was good, I’m going to write down some recent enjoyable things again.
      • Morning runs are going well, and it feels great along the river.
      • The cookies are delicious, looking forward to the subscription from Insomnia Cookies.
      • I had a good haircut.
      • The physics assignments are heavy, but interesting.

20220920

  • Regarding interpersonal relationships,
    • If you deny the current situation and think about how you want things to be, it becomes difficult.
      • (Example: Wanting 100 friends but not being able to make them)
      • “How you want things to be” tends to turn means into ends, and the result may not necessarily be happier than the present.
    • Therefore, it seems better to affirm the current situation and find happiness/enjoyment in the present life, and gradually work on things step by step.
    • I feel like I was able to explain “maintaining proactiveness” in higher resolution in 630da96679e1130000e4dd58 (blu3mo).
  • It’s more likely that positive words like gratitude should be said rather than not said.

20220918

  • The amount of assignments is large, but life is starting to settle down.
  • Interpersonal relationships
    • I realized that what I wrote in 62b2829479e1130000c722bc is true.
      • When there are two points of contact or when you meet in different places, connections are more likely to be formed.
    • I want to get to know the people on my floor a little more, but I don’t have much time.
      • I would be happy if I could connect with them during next week’s trip.
    • Current concern:
      • There are a few people with whom I can say we know each other and occasionally chat through DMs.
        • Depending on the definition, they could be considered friends.
      • However, there is uncertainty about whether this relationship will deepen.
        • Well, I feel like I want to actively and continuously contact them.
    • It’s not depressing to that extent, and my feelings are stable, but it’s not an extremely happy life either.
      • Well, that’s how it is.
      • There are also enjoyable things.- I went to MoMA, had interesting classes, the fog cleared, found delicious food, and my morning runs for a healthy lifestyle have been going well so far.
  • It’s nice to write down fun things like this (blu3mo)(blu3mo)

20220909

  • I’ve said it many times, but my mental state fluctuates a lot.
    • Yesterday, I felt sad because I didn’t have confidence that I would have the same friendships as my seniors a year from now.
    • Today, I found a fun student group and got along well with other people in Egleston, so I’m happy.
    • Well, I guess it will eventually settle down, but it’s sad to feel sad.
      • (Tautology)
        • No, not a tautology, but rather, am I observing the fact that I’m sad and making myself sad?
          • That’s not the case.

20220905

  • As expected, 630daa4e79e1130000e4dd65
    • Especially communication and relationships.
    • If I can have fun conversations and meals with someone, it makes me think that my future life will be enjoyable, and if I feel the difficulty of communication, it makes me anxious.
      • Well, my feelings are gradually stabilizing compared to a week ago (blu3mo).
  • It’s important to be aware that it’s normal to feel anxious at this time.
    • Everyone is starting a new life, so it seems that I’m not the only one feeling anxious.
  • Other miscellaneous thoughts:
    • People here are extremely sociable.
      • Communication happens in places where it wouldn’t happen at the University of Tokyo.
      • For example, at info sessions, everyone tries to talk to the person next to them. I was surprised at first.
        • Well, I got used to it.
      • Even orientation provides many opportunities to talk to strangers.
    • Dining, well, it seems like I can survive (laughs).
      • @blu3mo: This is how it’s been lately. I want to improve my buffet skills.

      • imageimageimageimage

  • At least, I think it was really good that I came to Columbia after spending half a year at a university in Japan.
    • It helps me understand whether the difficulties I feel in learning, relationships, etc. are due to language ability or other factors (such as communication skills).
    • Plus, it’s a completely new community to live in.

20220830

  • Comparing with the world line when I was at a university in Japan is really bad for my mental health.
    • I think about whether being in an environment where I can debug the language was really good.
    • As an environment for learning/research and building relationships.
  • To maintain my mental stability, I want to approach these anxieties with a thoughtful mindset.

20220830

  • As expected, I’m mentally unstable.
    • I watched a heavy show at the Apollo Theater, and it made me feel worse because it overlapped with my current anxieties.
  • My current mental instability feels like trying to draw a best-fit line with limited data, and the line wobbles with each new point.
    • There is uncertainty about the future.
    • However, there is little material to predict future life.
    • So, when something fun or sad happens, I predict my future life based on that and my mood goes up or down.
      • If something fun happens, I can look forward to the future, but if something sad happens, I become anxious about the future.
      • (Actually, there’s more anxiety.)
  • The days are very long.
    • NSOP could be a little lighter… (laughs)
    • I hardly have any time to rest.
  • I used to think that maybe having a roommate would be fun, but at least for this period, I’m glad to have a single room.
    • It’s nice to have a private space after a tiring day.- Well, I feel like I could just ask my roommate to let me rest for a bit. 20220829
  • Communication/Interpersonal Relationships:
    • ①Maintaining a proactive attitude towards communication within the limits of one’s capacity, like Building Human Relationships is Random, so Increase the Number of Attempts.
    • ②However, not making the expansion of interpersonal relationships itself the goal, avoiding Instrumentalization of Means.
    • I thought that this attitude is important for mental health and happiness.
      • Particularly, since I am not the type who feels happy by having a wide circle of relationships or abundant communication, it is not good to make it a goal.
    • @blu3mo: I thought it was very important to maintain a proactive attitude towards communication/interpersonal relationships within the limits of one’s capacity and not make the expansion of interpersonal relationships itself the goal.

20220828

  • Orientation.
  • I’m exhausted from communication.
  • Well, if there are five events where I have to communicate with people, even in Japanese, it’s tiring in Japan.
  • I have too many unfinished tasks and I’m feeling overwhelmed.
    • It’s tough when there’s not much free time in NSOP.