• Lately, I’ve been feeling a boost in my self-esteem due to receiving external evaluations such as the IPSJ Poster and achieving good quantitative results.

  • Discussion at the Philosophy Cafe (March 2021)

    • /philosophy-cafe/自己肯定感を持つ事が良いかについて
      • (I didn’t take proper notes from the middle, so there isn’t much content.)
    • I remember discussing the difference between “evaluation from others” and “self-evaluation.”
      • It made me realize that “pride” can be defined as “how much difference between external evaluation and self-evaluation can be tolerated.”
    • Through various discussions, I was able to reflect on what my own “self-evaluation” is like.
      • I realized that it might not be extremely low.
  • Do I not trust the high evaluations from others?


  • It’s tough to pretend to be a “✝Super High School Programmer✝” with superficial conversations that make me look good. It’s manageable when it comes to private application documents, but it’s difficult when it’s something like an interview.

202101 https://mobile.twitter.com/blu3mo/status/135624345359252275

  • I’ve been able to cope with Impostor Syndrome to some extent by chanting “Even if others overestimate me, I’m not bad.”
    • Thanks to a tweet by hyuki-sensei at the bottom of this page, I started to think that way.
      • (There are moments where I feel this way due to hyuki-sensei’s pathos, but I’m not sure if it’s reproducible.)
  • However, it doesn’t directly connect to self-esteem, which is the problem.
  • If I can eliminate evaluations from others like in the previous point, it seems like it’s up to me.
    • I thought that self-esteem separated from evaluations from others is quite supported by my Scrapbox (the information in it).

  • It’s tough when it’s something I’m aware of but can’t do anything about.
  • However, lately, I’ve started to think that it’s not a big deal.
    • Is it better to live with the expectation of happiness in life rather than thinking I’m a genius?

  • I’ll mention it just in case someone else is reading, but I don’t do things I don’t want to do because of Impostor Syndrome.

    • Of course, I do things that I want to do.
    • However, there is also stress on top of that, which I wanted to talk about.
  • I’ve repeated the pattern of

  • in my life.

  • It wasn’t a conscious decision, but it mainly happened due to external influences.

    • External influences: parents, recommendation-based exams, past Impostor Syndrome, etc.
  • Examples: u22, mxxxxxxool, maxxxon, mixxu (I’ll keep them hidden for now.)

  • There seems to be a chain of Impostor Syndrome.

    • It overlaps because I use past achievements to get into the next one.
    • The feeling of needing to produce other achievements due to Impostor Syndrome leads to challenging something new.
      • This is especially strong with maxxxon.
  • Possible causes of Impostor Syndrome

    • Doubting positive evaluations from others
    • The evaluation includes the contributions of others besides myself
    • The evaluations I receive are mostly subjective
    • The things I do are not fully understood by people at school (classmates/teachers), so I can’t trust their evaluations regarding things outside of school.
  • Regarding Untrodden 2020, I gained some confidence because I passed the screening without much influence from my parents.

  • I think it also greatly affects my personality.

    • Due to Impostor Syndrome, I tend to doubt other people’s words.
    • Disliking standing out is also a big part of it.
  • Fortunately, until now, the efforts in Step 3 have paid off and I’ve been able to move on to Step 4 to some extent.

    • However, I thought it would be dangerous if I were to get stuck at Step 3 in the future.# Self

In this section, we will discuss the concept of “self” and its significance in our lives. The concept of self refers to our individual identity, including our thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is the core essence of who we are as individuals.

Understanding and exploring our sense of self is crucial for personal growth and development. It allows us to have a deeper understanding of our values, beliefs, and desires. By knowing ourselves better, we can make more informed decisions and lead a more authentic and fulfilling life.

However, it is important to note that our sense of self is not fixed or static. It is constantly evolving and influenced by various factors such as our experiences, relationships, and cultural background. Therefore, it is essential to regularly reflect on and reassess our sense of self to ensure that it aligns with our current values and goals.

One way to develop a stronger sense of self is through self-reflection and introspection. This involves taking the time to examine our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and understanding how they contribute to our overall sense of self. It can be helpful to journal, meditate, or engage in other reflective practices to gain insights into our inner world.

Another important aspect of developing a healthy sense of self is self-acceptance. This means acknowledging and embracing all aspects of ourselves, including our strengths and weaknesses. It involves practicing self-compassion and treating ourselves with kindness and understanding.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that our sense of self is interconnected with others. We are social beings, and our relationships with others play a significant role in shaping our sense of self. It is important to cultivate healthy and supportive relationships that allow us to express ourselves authentically and be accepted for who we are.

In conclusion, understanding and nurturing our sense of self is crucial for personal growth and well-being. It involves self-reflection, self-acceptance, and cultivating healthy relationships. By doing so, we can lead a more authentic and fulfilling life.