Building human relationships

20220626

• Ultimately, building relationships with others is not a goal in itself but a means to happiness.
  • The Pain of Turning Happiness Means into Ends
  • I realized that the happiness of someone who seems to have many friends does not make me happy when I compare myself to them.
  • Everyone Has Their Own Hell+[Knowing What is Enough](blu3mo)(blu3mo)
    • Knowing What is Enough
      • I feel that I would be happy if I had satisfying relationships with others.
      • I came across a tweet that said, “Instead of focusing on achieving goals in relationships, prioritize the relationships themselves” (paraphrased), and I thought that was exactly it. (blu3mo)(blu3mo)
    • Everyone Has Their Own Hell
      • On the other hand, I recently realized that having wide and deep relationships with others does not necessarily lead to more happiness.
      • Also, I’m the type of person who enjoys being alone relatively more (or rather, I get tired when I’m with a large group of people), so it seems wrong to compare myself to others in this regard.
        • (I don’t think this should make me more passive) (Building Human Relationships)

202206

• What I want to say is basically the same as in 202205, but I want to articulate some practical know-how for my university life.
• I think that deeper connections with others are formed when there are two or more points of contact.
  • Not in the same class x
• Places where points of contact are formed
  • Taking the same classes, for example
    • In that case, I realized that there can be clusters of people who exhibit common behavior in a particular environment, such as “the group of people who sit in the front” (paraphrased).
  • Joining the same club/seminar, for example
    • I feel that actively seeking environments where points of contact are likely to be formed is effective.
      • (I didn’t know this at the time, but it was also very good in this regard at Bajou Seminar)

202205

• For now, I think I’m doing well. As something I thought,

• Building Human Relationships is Random, so Increase the Number of Attempts (= Being proactive is important)

• However, there is no need to aim for a life where I try to make others know me deliberately.

  • (Paraphrasing someone else’s words)

• In other words,

  • The mindset of “I’m not good at building relationships, so it’s okay to be passive” is wrong.
  • However, the mindset of “let’s make an effort to get along with everyone I meet as much as possible” doesn’t seem to lead to fulfilling relationships either.
  • So, while being proactive is important, I thought it would be good to have an attitude of letting things happen naturally and go with the flow to some extent.

• i.e.

  • Since only a small amount of what I scoop up with my hands will remain anyway, I should try to scoop up as much as possible.
  • Then, I should cherish the relationships that remain (and that I want to keep).
  • That’s the kind of way of life I thought would be good.
  • (This is an oversimplified example, dividing before and after scooping, so it’s an inaccurate metaphor)

• I wrote down what I’ve been feeling recently, but it seems like a very ambiguous thinking process. (blu3mo)(blu3mo)

• Things I still want to think about

  • I want to articulate why I thought it was “good” because it’s unclear. (blu3mo)(blu3mo)
    • Maximizing ”= fulfilling relationships/cost”?
    • People who want to expand their relationships may have a different evaluation axis for “good” here, so their actions may also change.
  • I feel like this is assuming that at least some of what I scoop up will remain. (blu3mo)
    • Maybe it’s just going well for now (202205) by chance.
      • It doesn’t become a reason not to increase the probability of trying (i.e., making an effort to get along with people, Improvement Cycle of Communication).
    • However, if at least some of what I scoop up remains, it may be easier to have “fulfilling relationships” by making efforts to increase the amount I scoop up rather than making efforts to increase the amount that remains.
      • I feel that Improvement Cycle of Communication is necessary to increase the amount I scoop up.
        • I think this is something to learn from (rickshinmi) and others.

• I feel like it would be easier to understand with drawings, but I don’t feel like drawing. Oh well. (blu3mo)

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202108Building relationships in university is a concern.

• The thing I am most worried about regarding my life after university.

• I have been interacting with the same people for 12 years at GKA, so I wonder if I can jump into a place where I don’t know anyone.

  • Make School was not a problem, so maybe I’ll be fine after all.

• I am even more anxious if it’s an overseas university.

  • There is already a language barrier, and on top of that, I am not particularly good at synchronous communication.
  • I don’t have a clear picture of what kind of people are at US Universities.
    • In Japan, I know some students from the University of Tokyo or Tsukuba University, so even though there might be biases, I have some idea.
    • But overseas, I hardly know anyone.
      • The few people I know are Japanese exchange students, so I don’t have a sense of the overall atmosphere.
  • Speaking of the language barrier, it’s also frustrating that I can’t throw Scrapbox at them, haha.

• Countermeasures:

  • Prepare something that will make it easy for others to think, “Wow, they’re doing something interesting.”
    • What that something is, I’m not sure.
  • Practice Japanese cooking (?)
    • It might help me connect with others in dorm life (just a rough idea).
  • Work hard during the gap term to improve my synchronous communication skills.
  • (axokxi) Watching anime, I feel like it’s really important based on my past experiences.
    • (Not necessarily to conform to the stereotype that all Japanese people know about anime, but just as a way to connect)
    • That’s true (blu3mo).
    • Come to think of it, I discovered Evangelion in [2019 America] because of that motivation.

• Well, I don’t necessarily have to aim for 100% communication skills from the beginning.

  • I thought it was important to break out of my shell from before high school, even in the middle of it.
    • (On the other hand, I guess I should have a mindset to adapt to the situation.)

• Well, I guess I’ll just have to go with the flow.